Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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