Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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