We're facebook friends in real life
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize