the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
