if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
