I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dicks are not precious.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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