You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
