I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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