Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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