If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
