She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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