At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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