Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
