why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
