Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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