Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
