I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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