I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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