Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
