If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
