just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
