just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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