she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
