My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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