I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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