If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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