What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
