my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
