Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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