I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
