I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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