Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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