I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
is that a dick in a sweater?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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