R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
