I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
