and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
