At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
