She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
