Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
