My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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