I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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