After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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