Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
