I just pynch a tree in the face
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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