You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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