I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
