A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
