Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
