Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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