Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
