Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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