So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
