I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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