she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
