What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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