thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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