i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
