Too much gin, very little bucket
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
