she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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