He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
