Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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