I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize