i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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