This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
