Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
too bad you live with your parents still
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
