I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize