no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
