i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
