I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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