I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
