what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
